January 12, 2006 – 12:24 pm
If you are going to share the road with me, here are some rules that I expect you to know:
-
Don’t tailgate me.
If you tailgate me, I’ll slow down. Unless you try to pass me, in which case, I might speed up. And if we’re in a no-passing zone, I’ll slow down more. Just. To. Piss. You. Off.
-
Use your signals.
It’s a shame that you spent $35K on that Mercedes and the signals don’t even work. You should take it back for a refund. If you are about to make a turn or switch lanes, use your freaking turn signal. That’s what they’re for: to warn the other drivers on the road that you’re about to do something stupid. that they should pay attention to.
-
Don’t use your signals.
If the car in front of you is about to turn, don’t use your signals to warn the cars behind you. [...]
January 10, 2006 – 11:32 am
function do_stuff() {
if (in_array($date, $holidays) && $vacation == true) {
travel('away');
visit_family();
$gifts->exchange();
eat();
travel('home');
}
if ($new_year == true) {
eat() && drink();
$weight++;
$sleep = false;
}
$slack = false;
$resolve++;
$work->resume();
return(true);
}
October 6, 2005 – 1:06 pm
I bet you never knew that I had a tug boat in Alaska, did you?
Thanks to my friend Akash, who spotted this when he was on an Alaskan cruise this summer.
Oh, and for those of you who haven’t read my About page, my first name is “Ernest”. [...]
September 16, 2005 – 10:12 am
Thank you for continuing to submit your data to my anti-spam systems. I have been able to put your information to very good use, keeping my blogs and email practically spam-free 24-hours a day. The emails, comments, trackbacks, and referers that you submit are analyzed for key spam indicators, which I can then use to automatically block your servers so that your future spam attempts don’t even reach my web server.
Eventually, I hope to share my collected anti-spam knowledge to a wider audience, via WordPress plugins and web services available to the general public. [...]
August 23, 2005 – 4:28 pm
Here’s an awesome list of titles for Klingon Fairy Tales. Some of my favorites:
- “There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe With a Big Spike on It”
- “The Hare Foolishly Lowers His Guard and Is Devastated by the Tortoise, Whose Prowess in Battle Attracts Many Desirable Mates”
- “Mary Had a Little Lamb. . [...]
August 11, 2005 – 9:17 am
There’s no telling how this post is going to affect my Google ads or my status in certain website blocking systems, but here we go…
We’ve all seen television commercials for Viagra, Cialis and other “male performance enhancement” medications. And depending on your particular sensitivities, you might be embarassed, amused, or intrigued by these things. I probably fall in the middle group. What I love about these advertisements are the legal disclaimers.
“Certain sexual side-effects may occur.”
What, exactly, do they mean by a “sexual side-effect”? I mean, is that a bad thing? Be more specific, please. [...]
Don’t forget: Talk Like a Pirate Day is only about six weeks away. I’m going to get a customized golf shirt made for the occassion. It’s pretty convenient to have in-laws who own an embroidery business.
<plug>
Visit Hometown Threads, Your Embroidery Headquarters!
Located inside the Wal-Mart on Highway 92 in Woodstock, Georgia
770-591-9264
</plug>
I’ve picked out the main pirate design that I want on the shirt. I just need to decide what text I want on it. . [...]
Last night, I had a dream where I was visiting somebody else’s house (I don’t know who, and apparently it wasn’t important). On a small table were some leather-bound books. As I examined them, one stood out, partly because it was slightly larger than the rest, and also because the binding was a little different. I realized that the owner of the house had created the book cover by hand (a hobby of his, I guessed).
When I examined it more closely, I saw that it had a title something like “The Essence of Romance” or words to that effect. And then I realized that it wasn’t actually a book at all. [...]
