I’ve been thinking about deleting my Myspace account almost since the day I got it but always opted out of doing so because of the few friends I have who don’t have Facebook accounts. But by remaining on Myspace, I realize, I’m becoming an enabler. I’m giving those friends no reason to switch over from Myspace by giving them access to my Myspace profile.

The only reason I even have a MySpace account in the first place is because at my last job, we needed to test how to format our video player embed code on MySpace. I did find one actual friend on MySpace, but since my wife and I now have email addresses for her and her husband…

The sole remaining reason for me to visit MySpace anymore would be to catch up on news about Weird Al. And really, there’s not much reason to visit it for that, because that’s not the official Weird Al website, anyhow (though, it is really his account).

I’m adding a reminder on my calendar to delete my MySpace account on January 30. How about you?

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• The “Blogger Code of Conduct”
• Don Imus’ racial slurs
• Anna Nicole’s baby-daddy

You’re welcome.

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See, the problem is that this clock only counts 24 hours in a day. I think I need to upgrade my clock to a 36 hour model. That would probably give me enough time to do all my work, spend some time with my family, and maybe even get some sleep every once in a while. Yep, a 36 hour clock is what I need. Does anybody know where I can get one of those?

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I suppose the expected response would be 406 Not Acceptable. How could I possibly be forty? Where did the years go? Many people’s reaction is 416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable, also known as a “mid-life crisis”. As Adam from Mythbusters would say, “I reject your reality, and substitute my own!”

I don’t really feel any different, though. I feel 304 Not Modified. Today is just a day like any other. But with more cake. Overall, I’m 200 OK. I’ve just 202 Accepted it. After all, it’s better than the alternative to getting older — 410 Gone!

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• Deceiving Pictures (Bah — the original content isn’t there anymore!)
• TEH INTERNETS
• Nightmare
• Percentage of chart which resembles Pac Man

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For example, if you typed this:

I was driving to my girlfriend’s house the other day, and some guy cut me off and almost ran my car off the road! I hate when people do stupid things like that. Don’t you?

Then it might come out something like this:

I were sailin’ t’ me girlfriend’s house th’ other day, and some lubber cut me off and almost ran me boat off th’ sea, avast! I hate when scallywags do daft thin’s like that. Don’t ye, and a bucket o’ chum?

Doesn’t that make you wish that every day was Talk Like a Pirate Day?

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• “There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe With a Big Spike on It”
• “The Hare Foolishly Lowers His Guard and Is Devastated by the Tortoise, Whose Prowess in Battle Attracts Many Desirable Mates”
• “Mary Had a Little Lamb. It Was Delicious”

Additions I’d make:

• “Brer Fox Finally Gets Brer Rabbit by Blasting the Entire Briar Patch Off the Face of the Planet”
• “Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill in Order to Destroy Their Enemies from the Strategic Superiority of High Ground”
• “The Little Battle Cruiser That Could”
• “The Boy Who Brought Dishonor to His Family by Calling for Help Instead of Killing the Wolf with His Bare Hands”

What would your favorite be?

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We’ve all seen television commercials for Viagra, Cialis and other “male performance enhancement” medications. And depending on your particular sensitivities, you might be embarassed, amused, or intrigued by these things. I probably fall in the middle group. What I love about these advertisements are the legal disclaimers.

“Certain sexual side-effects may occur.”

What, exactly, do they mean by a “sexual side-effect”? I mean, is that a bad thing? Be more specific, please. If the “sexual side-effect” is that it allows men to have multiple orgasms, then sign me up!

“If an erection lasts more than four hours, consult your doctor immediately.”

Heck, if the erection lasts more than four hours, you’re probably too busy with your wife to worry about calling your doctor. Again, they say this like it’s a bad thing, and I just don’t get that.

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        Share
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        Go to the
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        Win the Powerball lottery, buy a 155 foot tri-deck yacht and retire to Palau

Okay, ignoring the horrid non-semantic HTML, which I’ve cleaned up a little to avoid breaking my page’s validation, I love that last option. But why isn’t it clickable, dammit! I want that yacht!

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