Dougal Campbell's geek ramblings

If you are going to share the road with me, here are some rules that I expect you to know:

1. Don’t tailgate me.

   If you tailgate me, I’ll slow down. Unless you try to pass me, in which case, I might speed up. And if we’re in a no-passing zone, I’ll slow down more. Just. To. Piss. You. Off.

2. Use your signals.

   It’s a shame that you spent $35K on that Mercedes and the signals don’t even work. You should take it back for a refund. If you are about to make a turn or switch lanes, use your freaking turn signal. That’s what they’re for: to warn the other drivers on the road that you’re about to do something stupid. that they should pay attention to.

3. Don’t use your signals.

   If the car in front of you is about to turn, don’t use your signals to warn the cars behind you. That’s just dumb. If you aren’t the one making a turn, leave your signal off. If your brake lights work, then we already know that we need to slow down. And by the way, you forgot to turn your signal off five minutes ago, and it’s driving us nuts.

4. Slow down.

   Have you ever sat down with a calculator and tried to figure out just how much time you save by speeding? I have. Unless you are travelling very far, very fast, it’s not likely to save you more than a couple of minutes. Which is worth more to you: the three minutes you saved by trying to zoom past everybody, or the $2500 in body work on your car when you slam into the yahoo who turned in front of you without signalling?

5. Merge.

   Just do it. If the other drivers value their cars, they’ll make room for you. Quit sitting at the end of the merge lane waiting for a big opening. Maybe you should turn your signal on, so people will understand that you want to change lanes, eh? You’re making the rest of us late for work, and we’re going to have to speed to make up the difference.

6. Slower Traffic Keep Right

   Have you ever seen those signs that say “Slower Traffic Keep Right”? Well, just because you don’t see one right this minute doesn’t make it any less true. If you aren’t in the process of passing somebody right now, get out of the way. But use your signal first.

If everyone will just keep these things in mind, I’m sure we’ll all be a lot happier.